When Dreams Die

by Jen

Is this really my life? What happened to the life I dreamed of? If things had gone my way, I wouldn't be the 40 yr old mom of preschoolers and still hoping for a baby or two. I thought my kids would be teens and I'd be preparing for an empty nest. Now I doubt my nest will ever be empty.

I grew up with big hopes and dreams. So much of those dreams centered around being a mom. But what I've learned is that real life is really where dreams go to die. 

You see the dreams I had were MY dreams. Not the ones I built with my husband and definitely not the ones that God had established for my life. 

If my dream had come true I would have missed out on so much of what has shaped me. Yes, part of that meant I had to be broken and molded. I was and still am being stretched and shaped into the version of me that doesn't seek after my own heart, but runs full speed into the will of the Father. 

So while I never imagined that this would be my "Yes," I know God knew all along. Philippians 1:21 says "For me to live is Christ; to die is gain." The death of self is a requirement in order for us to witness real satisfaction. What have I gained, you ask? I have gained a heart open to meeting the needs of the hurting and oppressed. I have gained the love of children who called me mom, some for awhile and others forever. I have gained patience and understanding. I have gained empathy. But to have those gains I have to die daily to myself and let the heart of God shape my hope for tomorrow. When we open ourselves up to the endless possibilities and how big God's dreams for us really are the reward is priceless. 

Jennifer is a 40 yr. old wife and stay at home mom. She has been married to Ryan for 18 years. Their 4 children joined their family though international and foster adoption. Together they have fostered for 8 years and welcomed over 70 children into their home. Jennifer has a love for travel, her big crazy family, and tiramisu.